How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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