six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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