I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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