I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
