Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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