Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
