In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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