i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
