Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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