i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
