She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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