i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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