he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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