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He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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