if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
