smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
