she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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