haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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