I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
