my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
