I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
