True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
