Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize