one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
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In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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