A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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