you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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