We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
