think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
