Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
