I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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