apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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