Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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