I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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