I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
