John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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