Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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