last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
