a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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