garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
