Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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