So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
