Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
