I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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