it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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