i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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