There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
