haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
