my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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