I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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