He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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