Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
