omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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