chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
