I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize