uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
