We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
