so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
