WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
