dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
