i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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