there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
