Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
