Non-Jews are for practice
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
