like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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