I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it because I queefed?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
