Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
