I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
