Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i now understand why vodka
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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