I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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